Hot Sauce Special

Are you bored with your life and thirsty for the possibility of socializing with interesting people? Do you wake up at night wishing there’d be someone by your side to roll around with? Are you damn tired of wasting away your precious personality on dating apps with unmet expectations and short-lived flirtation frustrations? Cue me in, I get you.
If you thought this post was my attempt at trying out different levels of hot sauces (if comparing them on the Scoville Scale) to see if they come out on the other end as damaging as when they came in, sadly, it isn’t. When it comes to eating, I’m the first to add a dab of Spicy Sauce or some Jalapeños or Gochugaru in my meal, but I know better than to shove my colon into a hot pot. You get the image. Although, if I were to compare all of this heat to my dating life, I’d say I’m as spicy as a red bell pepper. And that’s beside the fact that I do apply myself. I end up feeling as if I’m alone. The thing is, you’re never alone unless you live in a remote location where no human can survive. And just like a strong pepper, you too need some time to allow your inner fruit to fully ripen as to reach a maximum flavor potential. 
If you allow yourself to think differently and let yourself open up to people a little, you might finally get out of your comfort zone, or find out that you are not alone. For my part, I can assert that I am 100% looking for a summer fling and definitely need to put the extra elbow-grease to make it happen. My inner hot pepper is ripened AF and ready to add some spice in someone else’ life.
Basically, I know at this point in my life that loafing at home alone in the dark and under covers while wishing for a guy to drop from the ceiling does not work. Neither is swiping through Tinder on a Tuesday morning hoping to hit someone new. I often say, something’s gotta give. Well, this summer, I am the one that needs to break from my usual habits. I feel it is time to deliver. Besides, getting kissed at least once this summer is definitely there on my bucket list.
Nelly’s Hot in Herre booming out loud at the bar. My ass is comfortably poised on a stool. The waiter serves me a delicious Bloody Caesar. I gently ask him for the Tabasco sauce right there on the counter and he points out that the Base mix of the cocktail was pre-made, to which I casually reply I like it with an extra kick. He smiles and seems to agree.
This Bloody Caesar⏤now an approximate 2,500–5,000 SHU on the Scoville scale⏤ numbs my throat and seers the roof of my mouth. I am about to embark on examining my life while having a comfy drink, waiting for my friends to reach out. I’m glad to live in a city so rich in new bars. This bar is crowded enough so the air conditioning doesn’t reach me entirely. The music is good, hitting some early 2000’s hits. I probably will come back. The boys are okay. The Barman is what tips the scale towards a positive grade. Now that I am done examining my surrounding area, I’ll have a few sips and coast on my momentary calmness.
My week has been quite busy but not enough that I couldn’t plan some me-time before hitting up my friends for a drag show. I begin to assess my situation. I have two options: 1) don’t go overboard with the drinks, you don’t want to get drunk and unable to drive back home and 2) I should have many more drinks. If I’m lucky enough, the bartender will pity me and offer a free shot. Or maybe a guy will come around and buy me a drink. You won’t need to drive because you know you’re ending up at his place. You might want to stick to Tom Collins’ or Gin & Tonics since one too many Spicy drinks will send you in a mid-sex spicy burp and toss. Or worse.
The gin is working its way into my brain as the capsaicin neutralizes my nerves, diluting its analgesic properties into my body. At this point, I think about my goals and what needs to be done about them.
Assessment one: Hard work really ends up being the same as learning to kiss…you get better at it after 10 different pairs of lips have met the cusp of yours. Perhaps you’d prefer getting better at cooking if it takes 10 strangers to show you how to use your mouth. Unless your desire in life is to become a professional food taster so you can tell other people what is sweeter or saltier. I’m sure I could be just that if it paid enough. The same goes for attempting to upgrade your owned skills and getting sharper at cutting it in this world.  You’ll be surprised at how second-hand your skills are and tend to come out effortlessly later on. There’s no denying that putting an effort in yourself is the key to successful self-growth. 
Assessment 2: Whether you end up staying at the bar way over your expected 1st drink length or just under enough time to pick up someone’s phone number (I spy a hot guy), you will come to know something new about yourself if you pay attention to your surroundings and observe your reaction to stimuli. Ok, this one is a brain teaser. Take a sip, lick the celery salt rim, think about it: In a way, you are doing yourself a favor because the freedom and newfound courage of hitting up a bar solo do evolve your perspectives. Overnight, your sense of self will be propelled in the first place and you will be immensely grateful you didn’t stay home. Plus, there’s no telling what you would be missing out on. FOMO is a real treat. See it as an escape from the daily grind: get in touch with your wild side and spent some time with yourself. You’ll get what I mean once you do it, believe me.
Assessment 3: Sitting alone at a bar to enjoy a drink while you wait for friends to arrive is nothing shy of courageous in my opinion. That’s what I learned about myself tonight. You will probably realize that you don’t need a person in your life to satisfy your midnight dreams, or that you should probably be making the first steps because no-one seems to be doing them. Soon after I forget to check-in with my self-consciousness, I look around and open Grindr. What an Idiot. The plot does not thicken. It fizzles, thins out and flops like a shit pancake.
Alas, tonight I will be sitting pretty on my bar stool, hoping to steal the bartenders’ attention long enough to get a free Bloody refill. Playing cute might not get me there, as I don’t want to come across as a cannibal who’s looking to cut some meat.
My moment seems to have passed. Everyone is partnered up. There’s no good meat on Grindr. Besides, I keep telling myself I’d rather exchange words with someone in real time than doing so on the app. The only reason why I have a profile active is in the hopes to meet with someone who doesn’t just want to play tag, knowingly these chances are slim.
Otherwise, maybe I should apply myself to remember how good I have it. I am here, I made it. I’m enjoying my favorite drink. The waiter smiled a couple times at me even though it’s a trick for tips. I look nice and I don’t smell like a carcass even though it’s been inhumanly hot and humid out. I can simply have this moment for myself. That is until my friend texts me “where you at” and “come at the Drag show”.
One last look around and everyone is basically on their 3rd drink. Two lovebirds are hitting up some shots by the bathrooms. A group of folks clearly from out of town are talking loud enough for me to hear through the music about how vile they think Montrealers are. Sigh, eye-roll. One last sip on my Bloody, now turned to toilet water. I guess tonight I was the only person to attend this bar on their own. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough or made myself unavailable in sitting in the only single spot available. My bad.
I wonder… Why are people in my age group so scared of being seen hanging out by themselves. Is this even socially acceptable? Perhaps I should go out on a Friday rather than on Thursday.
I often think our 20s are designed to grow strong social bonds, embark on stupid journeys and make the wrong choices to learn even harder. Remember those skills you’re trying to upgrade? Yeah, it happens by fault and errors too. The same goes with choosing your hot pepper: you don’t go for a Carolina Ripper on your first adventure.
No matter how many bruises you get, the end result is unquestionably never a defeat. If can’t press this notion hard on you enough, then maybe I’ve got my brain corrupted by assuming too many things based on my own experiences. I really wish to reach out and connect with someone who gets me but to get there, I first need to enter in contact. Now’s my turn to ask you guys for more advice.


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