Enjoying My Single Life

Single life.png
I have a lot to say and then I don’t. Then, the words are escaping the cortex part of my brain. It seems I have hit writers’ block or arrived at a point where dating is not that important and I have nothing else to add.  I think to really have opinions and tips for you guys to use, I’d need to live a little. That is exactly why I took a week off from writing and even cooking. This week made me notice how I neglect the simple truth: I’m happy being single.
While my mind is clearly not set on dating anyone at the present time, and even when I wouldn’t mind getting closer to someone because my body is telling me that cold months are coming fast, I believe I have put my brain to other, better use than figuring out why I am single and if it is my fault or simply the outcome of actions or words. I sometimes think perhaps one of these guys I have dated fell upon my blog and decided to write me off as crazy and entitled way before I could even let them know that I sometimes use sarcasm.
I figure it isn’t because I haven’t tried. Cue Tinashe’s Company “I don’t need the lovin’, I just need the company”.
I was open to dating and broadening my standards to a point where I was still comfortable, yet could meet guys I would normally disregard. I know what you’re saying: this guy thinks he’s all that when he’s just sorry for himself. Trust me I am not. The real reason here is: you forget that you are single once you quit thinking there’s something wrong with yourself. You’re not updatable, you’re just hard on yourself. Also, you manage new hobbies, meet up with old friends you may have lost touch with during your past relationship or you use your hands for a good cause.
Aside from the occasional times I would go to bars and to sit pretty and smile at equally pretty gents, the only thing I ended up kissing during those nights were my drinks. And even if a trip to the bathroom where drunk homos take snapchat selfies of themselves while acting like total monkeys meant my window for meeting new guys right on the spot was really closing up, I was gently reminded that I’m above the need to put myself out there.  And this summer answers my question once again: I am destined to be single for a bit longer and I have become a creature of habit where none of my hobbies involve crying over my solitude if it is to end up with a time-sucking snapchat addict.
It’s funny how summertime seems to trigger my desire to go out there and be with some guy. As soon as we’re able to take off a couple layers and slut it out, we simply go on the hunt as if we couldn’t have just done that over the winter months. Yes, between sleigh riding, gift shopping and casual hot cocoa get-togethers, I could’ve gone to a bar and found my Don Juan.  Putting yourself out there means you’re an opportunist and optimist.
I opened tinder, I unleashed Grindr and I smiled at guys I normally don’t dare to even look back at with more ease. Tip number 1: it comes with time. If you are shy by nature and are not a “people person” to begin with, you can always build upon it and start small by joining clubs with similar interests. Not online though, come on.
Yet, after really going through the dating process of dining, drinks and getting to know someone new on many occasions, none of my suitors have stuck around to see what’s going on today. And that’s okay.
I don’t blame them for ghosting me since this seems to be the socially coward thing everybody does, normalizing society’s communication skills out to a low standard. I don’t blame them either, because there probably wasn’t any chemistry and friendzone quickly took over. Tip #2: Follow your instinct and feel the chemistry. If it’s dead, it’s dead.
So for you out there wondering if you’ll be single forever, know that you are neither alone or worthless of someone’s love. You are worth all of the love you can yourself give back, and that is where you will find out if you are ready to share yourself with someone and devote time to them. Tip #3: before assessing everyone’s business, get to school and get the right degree. Sometimes, two units simply don’t correspond.
In my case, I don’t see how I could fit any guy in my schedule unless he’s already part of my entourage and keeps coming back to me in some way that I am unable to control. Heck, I can’t even find time to bake and cook this week, let alone sit down with friends and gossip about the newest trends. I also need to stop being a control freak.
My wish is for everyone to understand they have a place and a time to flourish with AND without the help of others. If you don’t give yourself a chance to be comfortable on your own, you will never be comfortable sharing the you that you are with someone in return. You have to follow your own path, in your own time and in your own way. And if you end up single for a while, turn yourself to activities that you enjoy, and stop thinking you’re not good enough to need someone to tell you they love you to be happy in life. Feeling miserable for yourself and hitting matchmaking websites to boost your ego is a simple quick band-aid fix.
You should never date someone because they keep coming back to you even if you don’t really like them but think that if they stick around, you might end up liking them in the end. Settling for less is exactly just that: you mirror how you see yourself into existence. 
You’ll be miserable if you don’t set your expectations when it comes to dating and you also need to remember that there’s respect involved between two people, especially through intimacy.
To finish this post with a fat joke, I’ve compiled a few responses you can throw at someone asking you why you’re “still single”:
– Because I have no time.
– Because I’m happy with my thoughts.
– Because I have too many appointments.
– Because I’m broke.
– Because I don’t owe anyone anything?
– Because I like to follow my own rule.
– Because I can treat myself just fine.
– Are you single? Is this a proposition?
– Because I’m a free spirit.
– So that I can flirt with anyone I want at any time I want.
– Because I’m putting my energy elsewhere.
– Because I’m afraid to commit?
– I’m super lucky.
– Because I am my own person.
– Because no one equals my cooking.
– Because guys are boring.
– Because I like having my bed all to myself. ∝

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